Protocol

While the Scouts are renowned for their aptitude at tying knots, building campfires and survival, they’re less well known for an equally honed skill: burying their dead.

Happy Ladies

Suddenly, being solo didn’t matter quite as much to Pam and Irene anymore. After all, not only was it rubber-tipped, but synthetic too!

The Chorus

Oscar was beyond tired, and after four hours of rehearsing the showstopping kickline finale in full costume, he would have been happy never to see another satin football outfit for as long as he lived. But opening night was just a day away now, and he knew going in that it would take this level of suffering, of fatigue, of commitment, to finally become a Broadway dancer.

Incisive Political Cartoon

“I say, fellow freakishly-long-necked-people, that man with the hair that’s flipped upwards is dropping potatoes branded with the names of states from his bag, whilst being followed by something that looks somewhat like a small dog!”

Formula 1

This is Chad Billingsly. He’s worked in our East Wing warehouse for the past 17 years, hand-cutting the mesh backing that keeps our mustaches together and looking good, and he has this message for you.

Kismet

Spider + Crayfish + Crab + Scissors + Toys = FUN!

Spider + Crayfish + Crab + Scissors + Toys = FUN!

Inner Beauty

Of course, it’s an obvious truth that a mismatched Van Dyke and sideburns will make you look impressive. That being said, it’s important to remember that those glued-on wads of soot-black flocking are merely an outward representation of the impressive man that lies beneath.

You know what time it is!

“So, you’re telling me that your wife is going to try to turn everything I say tonight into a song? Are you f*cking kidding me?”

Chameleon

The police were baffled. The FBI was stumped. Even the Coast Guard found themselves stymied. How could he have eluded them all? It was as if he had vanished into thin air, or morphed into someone else—someone not wanted for “the crime of the century”—right under their noses. But how? How could he possibly have eluded them all?

The Eyepatch

Now she regretted ever having pressed the kindly old man as to why the eyepatch. For one, she saw how it stirred in him memories of wounds—mental as well as physical—that will never heal. Moreover—and somewhat ashamedly—she couldn’t shake the sickening feeling of what a spritz of sulfuric acid in the eye must have felt like. Just then, an alley cat yowled somewhere in the distance…

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